Simply Not Simple

YAHOO!!!! My presentation is done!!!

YAHOO!!!! This deserves two yahoos!  I was told by everyone that I did a good job and I felt so natural speaking up there.  Other than some slight mispronunciations, I think I got my message across.  It helped that I filled the room with friends (thanks Daniel!).  I'm not even sure why I was so nervous since I've taught at a community college for five years, but I was.  And it's over and I personally think I did great!

I now have to write my non-thesis thesis, take my stat final, write my post-college opportunities paper and presentation and I'm THROUGH!  I found a project manager in clinical science position at our competing college and it's everything I've been looking for!!!!  I will find something better.

I feel a weight has been lifted.  I'm going to concentrate on stats since my final is Mon, then write the paper and powerpoint for ethics, then write my final paper and say ADIOS to school for awhile or possibly forever.

Did I mention YAHOO??!?!

I'm trying to be done whining

I really am.  Here is probably my favorite pic of all time:

Can you guess what this is?

Yeah, she's a small kid.

Now tell me, am I the only person who bursts into tears when I see old pictures and videos of my kids?  I'm not an outwardly emotional person at all, but looking at my kids pics as they grow has me weeping.  I kind of feel like I miss them you know?  They're new, different people now.  Am I alone in this?  Or is this a mommy thing?

I hate hearts

And not the cartoon kind.  The real, beating kind that I have to give a seminar about on Fri and write a non-thesis thesis (don't ask) by the end of the semester.  Stupid heart rate, stupid ECG's, stupid everything else.  If you hadn't noticed I have reached my "end of semester, I am so through with this shit, may I never learn another thing about the human heart AGAIN" stage. (And by the way heart rate is not one word, which I know, but somehow it ended up wrong in my powerpoints big huge pathetic miserable sigh)

I think this is a good stage, because if I'm sick enough of it to be done I must be almost done.

The question is "What's next?"

And the fun continues....

That PET scan I was supposed to have? It wasn't for early onset Alzheimers. It was to look for a brain tumor.  Lovely.  Insurance denied it though, so I won't have to deal with that for now.

Blech.

Why won't doctors say what's really going on?  He graduated from the school I work at, you'd think they'd teach honesty.  I knew there was a reason I didn't want to go to med school, I'm no good at lying.

I just want everyone to know that

If I misplace my stupid 10 page homework ONE MORE TIME while sitting in the exact same spot I will end up in a loony-bin by the end of the day.  To top it off the stupid homework is walking off one page at a time.  It's not like it's all making a run for it at the same time.

If you don't hear from me again, that's why.  My stupid homework walked off one last time and set me over the edge.

I HATE STATISTICS!!!!!!!! (actually I hate the instructor, I totally understand statistics but she makes it ridiculously hard and screws up all her examples.  I even had to teach the class one day when she lost it and couldn't make it through another problem.)

The end.

Nope, not the end.  Because of the u/s I had last week showing dilation of the common duct I have to have an ERCP and a HIDA scan I am SO TIRED of all the testing.  Not to mention I have never been fully anesthesized during any procedure in which they stick a tube down my throat. There is no reason why, but they just can't knock me out.   I have woken up every time I've had an upper GI and didn't even fall asleep at all during the last one.  To say I'm a little freaked out at the thought of a MORE invasive procedure while awake is quite an exaggeration.  Help?!

Posting will be sporadic at best

Until after finals (which is sometime in Dec, but I don't want to think about the actual date).  I've got to give a seminar Friday, a seminar the Wed after that, and 2 papers due before finals week.  I also have to finish teaching my class and get that graded and turned in

My stress level is unbelievable, and my husband decided to call me a whiner when I tried to talk to him about it today.  Let me just tell you now, that does NOT help. I will post when I can.  After everything is over I'll be back to regular daily posting (and you'll have completely forgotten who I am.)

What is it with eating paper?

I mean, seriously?  I remember pulling off pieces of my notebook paper and eating it.  I'm sitting here next to Miranda who is desecrating books and then eating the paper.  Why?  Oral fixation?  Worms?  I'm not sure why I did it, and I'm not sure why she's doing it.

Is there protein in paper?

Belated Happy Birthday to my baby

Isn't she beautiful?

Who wouldn't love this (literal) snot nosed kid?

Waiting for presents (after demanding them all day long, she's a dictator like that):

Webkinz:

And the Barbie bike (I hate Barbie):

This little girl's daddy spoils her absolutely rotten.  On the day she was born he said that she could have anything she wants, and oh believe me, she gets it.  He fought for the Barbie bike.  I fought for anything but Barbie, but he kept telling me "this is the one she would want".  Fine.  Little turkey.

This child is so strong, so much a fighter.  I was told at 10 weeks of pregnancy that she wouldn't make it, I was put on strict bedrest at 30 weeks, and she was born at 35 weeks with an infection in her blood and having lost weight before birth.  We were asked for years (still are occassionally), if she was a preemie but she is SO MUCH more than that.  I can't wait to see what happens to this kid as she grows up.  A girl at a coffee shop once told us that Miranda was destined for something. She felt like she was meant to come talk to us and tell us Miranda was special.  It was a little bit awkward because the girl started crying,  but things lke that happen when we're with Miranda (mini-M as dubbed by Pam who doesn't comment (love you Pam!)).  On her birthday we went to the mall to get some candy to take to the movie and the lady working in the store gave her a free pound of gummi worms.  This child is amazing and I am not the only one that thinks so. 

My baby turns six tomorrow

So today is not so coincidentally "I almost died six years ago" day.  Today is a hard day for me because it's really hard to look back on what happened and face the reality that I almost died during my labor.  It was so scary, but luckily after a certain point I don't remember much.  The day of her birth and the week she spent in the NICU were probably the hardest times of my entire life.  I just want to acknowledge my own feelings of trauma (yes, trauma even six years later) because the "could haves" are still way too hard for me to think directly about.  I can glimpse that day from the corner of my eyes, but to fully look at it head on is too much.  I nearly left my children motherless and worst of all I almost lost my youngest child.  I can not even imagine my life without her.  I just want to get these feelings down so I can do a happy Happy Birthday post tomorrow.

Thankfully, my youngest was kind enough that she was born at 12:14 AM so I can have a "day I nearly died" day and a "thank God he gave me my precious baby girl" day on different days.  She's a really thoughtful kid like that.

I need more teen advice

And I don't mean advice from teens.  I get more than enough advice from them. What I need advice on is how to explain to Kelsie what to do when boys like her and she doesn't return their "affection."

Our neighbor's 16 year old son was adopted 8 months ago from Guatamala.  He spends a LOT of time at our basketball goal and has been spending quite a bit of time sending her texts and standing in front of the house wanting her to come out. He is always very polite and respectful and quiet.  Yet in Kelsie's eyes he's "creepy".  He's homeschooled so Kelsie is most likely the only female around his age that he sees.  And, he's 16!!  Of course he wants to talk to her. She tells me he creeps her out when he texts and calls her and then she starts with the drama queen crying when we tell her to be nice to him. I never had a problem dealing with this as a teen, so I don't know how to explain the fine line between giving false hopes and  hurting feelings.   I was much less innocent than Kelsie, but I had to deal with a 30+ year old neighbor telling my parents that he wanted to marry me when I was only 14.  I learned very early to draw lines, Kelsie (thank GOD) has not had to.  Kelsie is beautiful but she is so naive when it comes to relationships.  I don't think this is a bad thing at all, in fact I love that about her.   I just don't know how to explain to her how to tactfully tell interested boys that she is not interested.  It's a HUGE issue to her and she doesn't know how to deal. I'm not good at explaining these sorts of things because our personalities are so different.  I would handle it by simply telling the guy face-to-face that I wasn't interested, but she is SO afraid of hurting people's feelings that she is at a loss in these situations which are becoming more and more common.

Help??!?