Simply Not Simple

I should have known better

I never should have expected a "merry" christmas with my family (my parents and my brother).  We actually had a decent Thanksgiving so I had hope.  I had my naive patented "Jenn world" happy dream of how things would be.  We'd  talk and sing carols,  we'd open presents, eat finger foods and be merry.

Right.  I don't think I should ever have been so naive as to believe that.  At dinner my dad spilled a little bit of Macie's pop on their table.  He got a little bent out of shape because my kids couldn't find the paper towels fast enough for him.  Then Macie knocked over her glass and I knew my dad was getting ready to yell at her.  Like any momma bear, I distracted his anger.  I made some comment on how he had started spilling the drink and Macie just finished it for him.  Dad made some asswhole remark.  Gib said Macie just wanted to be like her grandpa and my brother is in the background singing "everybody hates me"  under his breath (my father is the most obnoxiously self-pitying person I've ever met in my life).  I tried to change the subject and asked my dad what he had gotten for Christmas and he yelled at me "NOT A FUCKING THING", got up from the table and stomped out to his chair.  It pissed me off and so I just sat at the table while Kelsie and Gib and the kids did the dishes.  When that was done we left.  I told my dad thanks for the presents but did not give him a hug or kiss because I was too angry and hurt.  WHO talks like that to their child like that on Christmas?  Over such a trivial thing?  My dad, that's who. 

I replayed it in my mind all night and called him this morning and asked him not to ever talk to me like that in front of my children again because it was inappropriate and they didn't need to hear their grandpa acting like that.  He told me okay and then hung up.

It is never, ever a merry christmas when it comes to my family.  Ever.  It makes me sad that my kids have to see that, although in a way it's times like those that let them see that Gib and I aren't such bad parents after all.  The harsh truth is I'd RATHER they think we're horrible, rotten parents as all kids do.  It's a phase, and it's normal.  But no, my kids have to see glimpses of the abuse I endured for 20 years.  I don't want them to even have to have that glimpse.  I lived it and I wished to god there was some way I could protect them.

I don't usually post these but..

I saw this on TLG's site and tried the quiz.  The results were too hilarious NOT to share.  I think it's pretty darn funny for someone who got screwed out of their earned masters degree this semester:

Simply Jenn --

[adjective]: Pretentiously academian

'How will you be defined in the dictionary?' at QuizGalaxy.com

Here were my photo contenders

For the pics I gave out this year.  Do you agree with my choice?  Or would you have gone with a more traditional pic?

#1

#2

The one I gave (in case you forgot since yesterday):

And here's my favorite candid shot of the kids opening their Wii.  I've been having so much fun with it (and taking advantage of my mommy powers- wish I'd had those as a kid!), but I think I've been having too much fun because I'm having a lot of pain from my four incisions today- you know it's bad when you can feel every single hole individually!

Hope everyone is enjoying their post-Christmas playtime.

As much as health care sucks these days,

I am very thankful that I have a primary care doctor who cares about me and takes my complaints seriously.

I did not have gallstones.  I did have precancerous changes in my gallbladder, thickening of the gallbladder wall and evidence of infections.  Because my doctor and my surgeon believed me about my pain and illness and did the surgery despite the fact that all the "tests" showed that my gallbladder was functioning perfectly well, those pre-cancerous cells will never turn into cancer.  My life may just possibly have been saved because I had a doctor who believed me when I told him something was very wrong. I think the surgeon had to do a little more work than he expected because he told me that even though he'd originally said it would be a one week recovery he told me he was glad I was on vacation this week, and that he would write me a note if I wasn't fully able to go back on the 2nd.

Who cares about not getting my masters until May?  Not me anymore. 

And here is the pic I took of the kids and framed to give to everyone for Christmas presents:  Not bad, huh?

 

I'm here! I just wanted to wish everyone a Merry Christmas,

Or if you don't celebrate Christmas, to wish you a wonderful day with family and friends regardless of which tradition you celebrate (if any).  I'm feeling much better, but I have been a huge weenie and pretty much stayed in bed so that I can be in a minimum of pain on Christmas.  I get really cranky when I'm in pain.  I would lay on my favorite couch downstairs by the kids, but I would have to lay on my right side and that would suck.  So I'm hiding and healing, healing and hiding.  Christmas is probably the worst time of year if you expect support from your husband who is a manager for a worldwide shipping company.  He has managed to finish all the shopping though and I'm am forever grateful for that.  He has been amazingly helpful to the best of his ability and he's been pretty darn sweet about it considering the stress he's under.  I love him.  I offered to help with the shopping, but If I were to have accompanied him I would have  been either in a wheelchair or walking like a 90 year old.  I would have been more of a hindrance than a help.I think right now I'm more at the stage of irrational fear of tearing my incisions back open than a rational fear of tearing my incisions back open, but the fear is there none-the-less so I walk like a 90 year old.  And I had some MAJOR bruising (which I don't think was supposed to be that bad- my top incision is bruised as big as a baseball and is as dark purple as my post-car wreck photos I've shown before.  Don't panic, I see the surgeon on the 26th, and I actually feel better than I anticipated.  Plus, I'm totally hoarding the pain pills so I can have a constant supply all day long tomorrow.  I plan on showing everyone my rorschach test in between my cleavage whether they want to see it or not.  I may even post pics someday.  It's impressive!

Back to the real point though, I am so thankful to those of you who read my blog.  It's nice to have a creative outlet for stuff that otherwise is just jumbled in my head.  And I LOVE posting pics and getting feedback, I feel like I'm finally getting the hang of it and it's just something I love to do.

And here is a pic of Miranda and Gib putting the angel on the tree on the first night of our power outage.  I love this pic because this is their third or fourth attempt and she looks likes she'g going to set it on top of the tree using her magical powers.  It's been fixed for lighting, since we literally did do it in the dark, but I still think it's sweet and sums up the holiday, my husband and my baby.  Enjoy!

(Dear my chocolate people:  I still have it (except Daniel's, I'm sorry Daniel I couldn't help it, it called to me one night- I'll bring you extra Christmas clearance candy, okay?).  I wanted to send one of my photos with the chocolate as a token of appreciation for your readership so if you have a fav of any posted on here, please let me know.  Next week will have lost it's chaos at Gib's work and I'll have him send it then.)

  Merry, Happy Everything!

A quick update

After throwing up blood and bile for 24 hours I think I'm finally past that stage of recovery. (Which I don't think is an actual stage of recovery, but I really HATE hospitals and didn't want them to put my back in one so I didn't tell them about the blood or the bile. Gross, I know.  I'm sorry.) I still hurt quite a bit, but if I lay still and barely move then it's not too bad.

My hysterectomy was much more painful, so although sadly I won't be up to kicking my kid's butts at their new Wii on Christmas, I think I'll be able to go back to work for at least 1/2 days starting Jan 2.  I go to the surgeon on the 26th and find out if it was my gallbladder.  I'm going to be upset if it wasn't considering all the pain and barfing from the surgery, but since that particular pain and pressure doesn't seem to be there any more I'm hopeful the problem is solved.

Thanks so much for the well wishes.  I'm still too sore to be keeping up on my blog reading.  I'm sorry.

I'm home and alive

And those were my two goals for today. I just wanted to let you know.   At a future date I'll tell you about the multiple IV insertion attempts and the nurse that tried to put someone else's bravelet on me.

But right now, I'm going back to laying down and feeling sorry for myself because I can't keep anything down, including pain meds so I am hurting.

Jennifer

I know the post below seems a little

subdued and overly accepting, but in all honesty I'm having surgery tomorrow and right now I'm just trying to focus my energy on that.  I can always be really pissed off later, right?

Resigned

I spoke to everyone I possibly could today and the fact is the date that everything had to be signed, sealed delivered or whatever has passed.  I take partial responsibility for believing them when they told me not to worry, everything would be okay, there was plenty of time.  In the back of my mind I knew that there wasn't plenty of time and I didn't push it.  I KNEW, I did, but it was easier to listen to them, to not push myself, to try and be low key about it.  I'm NOT low key, I KNEW I had a paper due, I also know they don't want me to leave.  Once I leave, my position won't be replaced so they have very strong feelings about keeping me there.  I knew all this, but I lived in my happy la-la land of believing the people who obviously do not have MY best interests, or actually any of my interests, at heart.

I will finish the paper early in the semester and I will apply to jobs and honestly be able to tell them that my degree requirements are met, but the actual DATE is in May.  I'm not happy about it at all, but since I don't have any recourse at this point in time I'm not going to let it bother me. (HAHAHA, whatever, it's just one more reason to hate this place).

But HEY!  LOOK!  Puppy pics!

He's a sweet little guy, isn't he?  He's a long hair German Shepherd, and I'm interested to see what he'll look like grown up because the only long hairs I've ever seen are pure black.  He's kept Gib and I up for 2 nights now so he's outgrowing his cuteness REALLY quickly.  Tonight should be better. 

I am not f-ing graduating

Yes, you read that right.  I am not fucking graduating.  No one on my committee emailed me back with any revisions of my paper, so I kind of knew something was up. Today my boss/advisor told me we had to have a meeting with the dean of grad students who I did my research with today.  They told me that because of the ice storm my committee wasn't able to get my paper reviewed and their suggestions back to me in time for me to graduate this semester.

It's bullshit, and there's not a damn thing I can do about it because I need my job.  By doing this, they ensure that I can't go out and get another job that requires a master's degree.  I have to do some VERY minor revisions to my paper and take two more hours (because you have to be enrolled the semester you graduate).  I am so fucking pissed and yet I'm not surprised.  I think even if it weren't for the weather they would have come up with another excuse to keep me from graduating.  There is a reason they didn't tell me I had to write a 20 page paper until 4 days before it needed to be submitted for revisions.

I will not graduate until May now.  I'm going to be REALLY upset when this sinks in.  Right now I'm kind of in stunned, pissed no-where land.

I don't know why they're so determined to keep me there, but a pay raise would have been a much nicer and fairer way.  I hate it there that much more now.