« December 2007 | Main | February 2008 »
I think I have carpal tunnel. I think it's from the Wii. More specifically I blame guitar hero, and my annoyingly competitive nature that refuses to not have the highest score.
Curses. Hey Swampy can you come over and spin a spell so that my children can not beat me at any game. I'm a rotten mother I know, but I MUST WIN!!!!
BWAHahahahah
lightening strike. Wait what was I saying?
Eh never mind.
Well, technically it's not a snow day, but since I stayed home from work because we're expecting 5-9 inches of snow (WOOHOOOOO!!! I FINALLY get to use my sleds!!!!!) I am calling it a snow day (Please, people from the great north, I'm in Oklahoma- we don't even know what snow tires are). I'm doing internet and email things that I need to do for work so I am working, but I LOVE working for home- it makes it much easier to nap.
So, I wanted to ask: Do you feel that you need to fundamentally believe in what you do at work? Can you personally work for 2 years on a project you're not sure you believe in at all? Am I alone in feeling all confused and unhappy because I am so unsure if my work is even based in reality? It's hard for me to just suck it up because at a VERY basic level I am so conflicted. Please tell me your thoughts.
Secondly, if you have any questions for me I will answer pretty much anything. I know I have some really new readers and fairly new readers, and I think know there are probably some big holes in my stories and that you may want me to fill in. If you have questions, ask them, if not that's cool too.
I'm going back to responding to my responders (sorry I've been sucky), and I'll start with yesterday's post.
Monday we went to court to support his brother because his soon-to-be-ex wife filed a protective order against him (because he drove by her house....oooooh, threatening). We weren't likely to be called in but Gib's family asked us to be there anyway so we were. Gib's sisters were upset from the beginning- this girl was treated like family. Gib's mom did SO much for her, and in all honesty they were always nicer to her than they are to me (which is fine because I'm not big on being all emotional, and they treat me like they treat each other... no holds barred). Anyway said sister-in-law-for-now filed divorce papers while his brother was in rehab for drug addiction in an effort to try and save their marriage. Honestly that is just rude. Things weren't too bad with her until lately. She was still calling and wanting to talk to me and meet me for lunch up until about a month ago. Something has gone all twisty in her brain and now she's upset because Gib's brother is passing the drug tests which means that she has no cause for their joint custody to change. She is really close to losing it and it's just a sad situation. I was fine at the beginning of the three hours of sitting in the courthouse hallway, but each time the lawyer came out to tell his brother something it just made me madder. This girl isn't just trying to keep their daughter away from Gib's brother but also from my kids, Gib's mom and dad, and his siblings. It wasn't like this a couple months ago when she was still calling everyone and going to his parent's house and telling them TO THEIR FACES that she would never want to keep her daughter from seeing them. I want to talk to her and just kindly point out that she's hurting her daughter by trying to keep her away from half of her family. Apparently I'm not allowed to, which makes me sad and a little angry. The whole situation is fucked up. What sane person would want to keep a child away from a father that loves her? Sane is the key word in that sentence. So since then I've been kinda pissed and distressed.
But as Gib and I were riding back to my car I told him that he had to believe that I loved him. Background: I am a manipulator. I can read people VERY well and am able to use that to my advantage when I choose (don't judge me though, please I don't manipulate ANYONE on the internet). Gib knows that part of me, what he doesn't really know is my emotional side very well. As a child of abuse (this is NOT a pity me moment, it's a fact) I learned very early that the ONLY person I could rely on was myself. No one ever stood up for me, so for years I fought all my own battles. I also learned not to show emotion because it would just give my dad something to use against me. I haven't found my way out of this shell yet. I want to, but I'm not sure how. Good thing I'm in therapy, I bet my therapist will know. I think in the back of Gib's mind there has always been a tiny doubt as to whether I'm married to him because of Kelsie. I think maybe 1% of him thinks I'm using him so that I don't have to be a single parent. I'm not.
Whew, sorry that was kind of a long background. Anyway in the car on the way back I told him that he should never ever question my feelings for him. If I did not love him I would not for one minute be married to him. I am strong, and strong willed and I could never stay in a relationship where I didn't respect and love my partner. I told him I was sorry that I'm not good at showing that, and that I'm working on fixing it, but it's HARD to overcome a lifetime of fighting to stay strong and to crack my shell, even with him. He was so happy. I also told him that his sisters were dead on (during a conversation we had at the courthouse), that if anyone were to leave it would be me and I would never want full custody. I have a wild streak that I fight, but I love Gib and I love my kids and the smart me has too much control to ever let that wild streak win. I hope I have finally managed to convince Gib of that. Sure, I get overwhelmed, but who doesn't? The day my dad went after me and Gib shoved him back so he couldn't hurt me was the day I knew he was the one I wanted forever. And this was about 17 years ago. I knew I loved him, but when he showed he was willing to protect me when no one else in my life ever had- that's when I knew we were together for life.
You know, typing that out doesn't really make it seem as happy as it really was, but believe me it was a true Hallmark moment. I guess seeing what happens when things fall apart in a marriage made me that much more sure that despite problems that plague every marriage, mine truly does have a strong foundation. And I'm SO thankful for that.
On this, compliment instead of comment day, I wish you had a blog. Instead I will have to write an ode to you on mine.
M is for the manners you so clearly let me ditch
E is for the elite Canafornatokans to which you belonged
L is for the light you previously spread throughout the net
I is for intelligence (trivia) I can only aspire to
S- Shoehorn!
S- The subtlety with which I try to lure you back
A- Awesome- your hobocart writing ability
COME BACK!!!!!!!!!!!!
Don't forget, tomorrow is compliment instead of comment day. Instead of commenting (or lurking) on your favorite blogs compliment them, let them know WHY they are a favorite read of yours. It feels good people, it really does.
High School Musical: Well, I was wrong it wasn't a travelling cast, it was an amateur production. And oh my ears are still bleeding and my head is still throbbing. Two of the leads COULD NOT SING. Let me tell you, for someone who has sung, played piano and clarinet most of her life that was like a flogging. And not just any flogging, a flogging where you wish you were beheaded. Yeah, like that. The cheerleaders were blocked out (given their position on stage) in one day and were pushing each other, bumping into people (Kelsie bumped into three- I was SO proud!!!) and dropping their stunts. They were funny though, so at least I was amused even if it wasn't supposed to be a comedy. In parts where the whole company would sing the cheerleaders were always in the back, but they were jumping up and down (because, after all, they ARE cheerleaders), so seeing their adorable be-ribboned cheerlead-y heads bobbing up and down was priceless (well, not priceless and probably not even worth the $55 we had to shell out, but it was worth at least $5 or so).
One of my friends from high school played the coach and I was freaked out because "I KNEW THAT VOICE", then I realized it was my friend. He and I had a bet in high school about who would make it to Broadway first, apparently he wins because he has actually STOOD on a stage in the last 3 years. I was the Toymaker in Babes in Toyland 3 years ago, so I think I win because I had a bigger part. Anywhooo...Gib and I were laughing that he was playing the part of the father of a high school student, when reality smacked me in the forehead and I realized our daughter WAS on the stage and we are the parents of a high school student. It was a really strange moment. One of the weird by-products of having a child at 18 I guess.
I also sat by the button pushing dude and accidentally kicked one of his whatevers a couple times. I don't think he liked me much. And then we didn't realize there was a THIRTY minute encore of ALL the stupid songs and Gib got up and tried to leave and button pushing dude made him sit back down and told him the show wasn't over. Nothing like sitting in the back row- let me tell you.
And then there is the w word, yes work. I went to the dean who apparently is my boss now and asked him why I wasn't told. Then it turned into the typical college bullshit of he said-he said (stupid sexism in colleges) and I finally told him I didn't care, but that I should have been told. I also told him I was actively searching for another job and he told me I'd made that clear more than once in the past. Sometimes I forget just how outspoken I can be. I'm not sure that information went to him from me directly though. I have the feeling it went to him through the circuitous route of another employee (or three). (Not you Daniel). So they know I want to leave and I at least got to tell everyone involved that I thought it sucked that I was not informed at any point in this process.
Don't forget: Compliment day tomorrow!
http://simplynotsimple.typepad.com/simply_not_simple/2007/01/yesterday_was_a.html#comments
This post is from a year ago tomorrow but my friend died two years ago today. I don't really have much to add to this old post. It's been two years since her death and I still think about the hole that there is in this world without her. (I don't still sleep with the stuffed animal any more because it has too much dried dog slobber, but it's still sitting in my bathroom.)
I saw someone who looked exactly like her at Kelsie's musical today. She had 2 girls with her and it could very well have been her sister. It was somehow comforting to me. Oh God, how I miss her.
a) I don't want to do anything, even type when I get home
b) I have nothing better to do
c) I'm extremely pissed off at this place and quite frankly? Being Dooced would be a step in the positive direction
Honestly, how would you feel if you found out you did not work for the department you were hired for? And what if you were transferred without your knowledge MONTHS ago and no one felt the need to tell you?
What if you went to the new head of the department a couple months ago asking for a transfer and that person found out you didn't work for them and didn't bother to tell you?
That the lab you work in IS a part of the department that YOU are not an employee of?
This along with the whole "Jennifer does all the work, but still does not get a degree" crap from December, is making me VERY unhappy with the whole institution.
Believe me, if there were any way possible that I could stay at home while searching for a new job I WOULD! But I CAN'T, so I won't. But, oh, if that were only an option.
Someone out there in geek computer world here at work? Please fire me. Thank you.
Let me just say that I am NO Melissa, and I will never be able recapture the essence of her photojournalism, so please don't have high standards for me. I can't meet them.
(By the way WHERE the hell are you Melissa? I see you all chatting over at Marnie's, but you promised me you'd be HERE too. I know you love Marnie more, but sheesh).
It was a nice Saturday and I was out driving and decided to go check out one of the local parks that is an option for dog training until our field has been de-treed post- ice storm. And what to my wondering eyes did appear but a HOBOCART, and no reindeer.
Look:! There is no grocery store (or Home Depot) anywhere around here- these are baseball fields currently out of season. Why is Hobocart here? Is he a baseball fan and is just waiting for those first freaking cold games? Or was Hobocart wrecklessly abandoned when Jenny threw her underwear at the paparazzi and hit one of them in the eyeball which led to a high speed chase in which Marnie pushed Jenny as fast as she could in the cart (because Jenny couldn't possibly run without underwear so one of the carts had to be abandoned). Come on guys, that wild dog story of Jenny's? Did you really believe it? It was actually an encounter with the fence while she and Marnie were out stealing carts. Marnie is car-less so you know she's here joyriding shopping carts in Oklahoma. What else is there for her to do?
Ah, but look how sneaky these two are: They covertly broke the lock on the field and oh so cleverly used their hobocart as a disguise so no one would notice the chain was broken (good one you two, SO subtle). They now live out there and set up their tent when everyone else has gone to sleep. MAYBE I can catch those pics- anyone have a night vision lens? Then I can sell them to someone, maybe Melissa.
Will their be more hobocarts? I don't know. Will Melissa come back? She has to cuz I am trying reverse psychology and making her think I'm the best hobocart writer and in the end she'll come back just to put the rest of you out of your misery. Too many more of these posts from me and I will have a readership of 0.
Doesn't it feel like time to you? For those of you who weren't around for the last one (I can't even remember what month it was 2-3 months ago I believe), it's a day to go around and instead of commenting on the blogs you enjoy- you compliment them and let them know what you like about their blog, or why you like them, or whatever, but compliment- not comment.
I'm seeing Wordless Wed, Thankful Thurs, etc on other people's blogs (I'm just not that cool) but I don't THINK there is anything for Tues so let's plan on Tues the 29th. If you want, you can post the info on your own blog, if you don't, that's fine too. I definitely will be around showing the love that day. Any joiners? (and yes, yes I did draw the heart. I have no idea why I'm a scientist and not an artist. Do you?) My post that day will be devoted to drawing our beloved Melissa back to the blogworld.
Since TLG asked so kindly, I will show you in pictures. First- the September cankle picture:
See that fat area where my calf meets my foot and there is no appearance of bone, just a vein sticking out? That's a cankle. (the writing says dimple in foot, and fat pad)
No cankle pic from yesterday:
See I have an ankle bone in this picture. (Looks like I lost some weight! WOOHOO!)
So cankle= calf+ankle i.e. no ankle bone visible.
I know it's not bad, you should have seen when I had pre-ecclampsia with Miranda I had thighles- my whole body ballooned to ridiculous proportions, but still it is a cankle by my definition.
