Simply Not Simple

Hot fireman in the nutrition class I'm teaching!

Which is just AWESOME, because I have newly learned pick up lines.

The worst pick up line EVAH...

That I will never ever recover from.  Why, you may ask would a pick up line embarrass me?  Because I SAID IT!!!  Yep, that's right- me, happily married with 5 kids, me who has never even UTTERED a pickup line (and never needed to) accidentally embarrased the ever-loving shit out of myself (What does that mean, anyway, I don't know but people in Oklahoma say that). Obviously there is a story behind this and I am digressing. SO:

Background:  Miranda is going to be playing in a competitive development league that is coached by one of the professors I work with (Okay, fine, DANIEL works with him but I am down the hall from his office).  Miranda has never touched a soccer ball in her life, but she's feisty and her dad is a soccer NUT.  Tonight we took her to a scrimmage and I was going to meet the coach 15-30 minutes before the game to further discuss her joining the team.  For one of the first times in, oh my entire life, I was actually on time. I could NOT find him, didn't have his number and didn't know what kind of car he drove.   

So, right next to me a HUGE truck with two kids and a bald man pulled in.  Obviously that was him, right?  Truck- I don't know what he drives, but maybe an overcompensating red truck, 2 kids- check, bald- check.  My kids said they recognized the kids in the truck and the man waved back so I got out of my suburban to go talk to him.  I knocked on his window and... get this....... I didn't LOOK AT HIS FACE.  I didn't even know what field we were on but I just assumed because it was a bald man with 2 kids, it was him.  STOOOPID. 

I walk up to the truck, knock on his window and say "That's a big truck you got there."  "Why, yes it is" he replied.  Since the benedryl is making my poor little brain process everything SO S L O W L Y,  I think to myself, hmm I don't remember him sounding like that.  I've worked with him (by him,Daniel, whatever) for 27 months so I do know his voice.  Slow brain still took a couple seconds to process "look up".  When I do look up it was NOT the soccer coach.  I really truly don't think I've been more embarrassed in my entire life. No pantsing, nothing ever made me want to die of embarrassment more than this.  As I  S L O W L Y process the fact that it's not the coach I start to giggle and blush (you couldn't see the blush under my hives, but it was most definitely there).  Then I squeal "Oh my gosh, YOU'RE not who I thought you were".  Not much embarrasses me, but that was sheer utter humiliation wreaked on me,  BY me.  I hauled ass back to my truck, climbed inside and ducked like a little girl hiding from a stranger.

I think I embarrassed him almost as much as I did myself because he drove away pretty quickly.  When he drove back I moved my truck away from his "BIG" one.  I mean does that not totally sound like a pick up line? A really, really bad one?  REALLY bad?  Have you ever tried to pick up a random person with a bad line? Or any line?  Do women use those on men?  And what's the worst line you've heard from the opposite sex?

Hey truck man, do you want to bear my children?   I would you know, but I had my uterus ripped out and burned alive.

I was actually having a good day at work yesterday

Thanks, Daniel for chatting and passing time with me.  I got a lot of stuff done and was actually ahead of schedule when machines started breaking down left and right.  I had taken a BUNCH of photomicroscope images and when I went to save and edit them, it  said there was an unaccounted .NET file and they were ALL gone.  It's not bad enough that I will have to photoshop the best images because the microscope is somehow transmitting a red background to all my pictures (or blue with a blue filter) and their editing software is crap, but now I don't even having images to work with.

Then, we are embarking on a pretty important experiment that uses a machine that creates DNA strands (I won't bore you with the details) and the machine DIED.  I just had it replaced about 6 months ago because of a different problem.  They couldn't figure out what was wrong over the phone, and it has to go back to the company for repair.  The tech I talked to said he's never seen it do anything like that before.  Of course, story of my life.  This is going to set our research back a bit. Or a lot.

And since I'm a photo freak- here is a pic of a sunset taken back in October (trying to redeem this post here, it should probably just be a given that I'm going to break any machine around me).

What do you think of this shot?  It's obviously photoshopped, but I only played with the lighting.  I took it before Halloween, and thought this was a sufficiently scary,Halloween-y picture.  What do you think? Halloween in February?  It should be a new trend.

The sun is about to explode is the feeling I get from this shot.

Thou shalt not tingle

(And by thou I mean thou-me, not necessarily thou-you) EVER, let me stress this some more, EVER use tingler at a tanning salon because it sounds sexy.  Seriously.  The lady was talking about how this lotion makes you tingle while tanning and then it has coolants in the bronzers.  I was thinking wow, tingler- that should make tanning more fun (and then I could come home and have more tingly fun wink, wink.

It didn't.  The other type of tingler is MUCH more entertaining than the tanning one.  My foot tingled for 30 seconds and my face tingled for 30 seconds. The other 19 minutes was just boring old time spent listening to my audiobook.  Nothing amiss, even though some of the ingredients were wasabi  and cayaenne pepper.  Well, that was a failure, but you live and learn, right?

Wrong. I am allergic to this lotion.  I have hives all over my body.  Kelsie was a little panicked when I walked into the lobby.  I told  her the lady had said it would make me red, and she said "no, mom, you're red AND white". Oh shit. I have hives everywhere.  Now they are either contiguous or, the hives and redness from the lotion are covering my entire body.

II was supposed to be a trial, a learning experience.  Instead, tomorrow I'm going to look like Hitch (or worse).

No tingler people, at least not the tanning lotion kinf.

 

Macie's basketball game

I did the pics from the games last week for Kelsie and Noah but then the week was from hell (or hail as our very Okie accented priest kept saying today).  And last night I just had to put up the pics from Kelsie's formal night ( at which she did not even dance with a boy, and Pamela you're right... she doesn't need a Prince Charming yet)

First I want to post the PERFECT shot that Gib got at Macie's game I love it!:

At this game the assistant coach REALLY pissed me off because he told Macie not to dribble, because she wasn't any good at dribbling.  They told her to pass anytime she got the ball.  She is the type of child that takes that kind of criticism to heart.  I was beyond slightly pissed.  Also the other team was rude and it just wasn't a good game for Macie.  She spent too much time on the sideline (this week she got nearly every rebound and took it all the way down the court but it took MUCH encouragement from us because the coach had her convinced she stunk):

But when she did play she played well and she and she played hard:

(She's #5)

   

This is the pic that really bothers me, that girl was pretending to touch her head and then elbowed Macie in the face... hard!  What kind of sportsmanship is this for 5th grade?  UGH!

Basketball season is almost over and then we're on to Preston, Macie and Miranda playing soccer, Noah playing baseball, and Kelsie continuing tumbling.  I really didn't plan ahead when I was having them, I guess I was hoping one of them at least would be lazy like me.  No go on that one!

From cheerleader to princess in 85 simple (not) steps

Kelsie's formal is tonight and we spent most of the day preparing for it.  I know I keep saying it, but I'm truly stunned at how beautiful my daugter is.  I don't think that conceited either, because it's not like I'm talking about me (right now, when I talk about myself that probably is conceited).

No makeup:

Makeup, but hair still in curlers:

Makeup, dress on, shoes in hand (because she can't walk too well in them), but hair still in curlers:

The whole package:

We don't call her drama queen for nothing.  I'm not even sure what this is about, it may have just been nothing, but there were a few something moments.   

No matter what, she is still Kelsie.  It's one of the things I love best about her:

Full dress shot.  It's 37 degrees and raining and my child looks like spring personified:

 

She's still having fun though.  I love it! (The proud papa and I are in the mirror on this one):

My favorite part of this dress is the back.  Gib's least favorite part of the dress is the back.

 

I really, really love this child:

And this beautiful, adorable creature is going to the formal with some of her friends.  No date, no boys.  Hopefully she'll meet a Prince Charming at the formal.  She deserves a guy as adorable as her! (Don't tell Gib I said that)

Gib is home!

And I'm going to bed!  Night all!!

Today part 2

I forgot to mention that my morning started with my washer dying.  7 people, no washer?  Bad news. A laundromat for all of us would be SUPER expensive.  The burning rubber I've been smelling almost daily?  It was my washer.  My dryer is also nearly dead.  It was definitely a crappy start to my morning.

When I FINALLY get to work after having to blow dry my soaking wet sweatshirt I opened a passive aggressive email from my boss threatening to fire me.  His email even said "if you don't do (the experiments), I'm going to have to and I don't want to".  Okay, he's getting threatened because he hasn't published one single damn thing in the FOUR years he's been there (I've only been there two), but he doesn't want to do the work.  Honestly from what I've seen, most Ph.D's never enter the lab.  Why get the degree and take the stupid job if you don't want to RESEARCH?  And you know what?  Because I'm an idiot with a penchant toward rebellion- I'm not going in tomorrow.  Honestly, though, I think near (and still possible) hospitalization is a good reason to stay home.

AND I went on a Jennpage (sorta like a rampage, but not) yesterday and unplugged the computer my wireless is routed through.  I also unplugged the TV, so my DVR didn't record last night's American Idol. sigh

And I don't know what will happen if I have to hear ONE MORE TIME from our secretary that everything bad happens to me because of ME.  I did something wrong in this life or another and that's why I have triple the bad luck of everyone else,  Whatever.  If she says it again I'm going to kick her 73 year old ass.  I am.  I'm totally not kidding.  Hopefully I can keep my heart rate and oxygen saturations up long enough to kick her ass because otherwise she would kick mine.  Talk about embarrassing.

I am SO going on strike the second Gib's plane lands.

All in all not a great day

I had a doctor's appt at 12:30 (needless to say it was running behind)

Picked the kids up at 3:30

Took Noah to vision therapy at 4:15

Picked Kelsie up at 5:50

Macie had basketball at 6

Noah had basketball at 7

Kelsie and Miranda had tumbling at 7

I had a baseball parent meeting at 7 that I forgot about until 7:20

Went to Walgreens somewhere in the middle of there and my dang psychiatrist denied my sleeping pills because she had given me a written script.  I told her AT MY APPT earlier this week that I had lost the written scripts and that I would have to have the pharmacy fax her and she said that was no problem.  This is the SECOND time I've not gotten needed meds after she herself had told me that was how I should handle it.  Who needs sleep, right?

The doc's appt could have gone better. I was threatened with an NG tube (the tube they stick down your nose and into your stomach) because I have gotten so dehydrated causing my low heart rate and other problems.  I had to have blood tests to make sure I'm not malnourished.  I was also put on meds to make me hungry and meds to speed up how fast food moves through my body.  I had lost 9 pounds in 3 weeks simply from being unable to eat.  Also, with all my BP meds doubled my BP hasn't gone down at all. My doctor told me that at least I wasn't dying...now.  Then he gave me a hug and told me he'd make sure I was fixed.

And yes, Gib is still in San Antonio.  Thank GOD he's coming home tomorrow, it's been a l-o-n-g week.

Pictures of Noah after a few "Jenn" thoughts

First, for those of you who were worrying about me, I will be seeing my doc tomorrow at 12:30.  Who knew that insisting you will not see another doc while describing scary symptoms worked so well? Gib and I got in a HUGE fight last night because he was screaming at me that if I cared at all what he thought I would see any doctor, while I informed him that with the med school classes that I've taken and overall medical experience, I knew that only THIS doctor would treat me like maybe I knew what the hell I was saying, not to mention he knows my history since I nearly died having Miranda.

In the middle of our random fight I somehow found out that he didn't realize my friend who died two years ago was one of the best friends I've ever had.  He didn't know I saw her every midnight shift we worked together and had lunch and that I really, truly loved her.  Because of miscommunication (and the fact that he doesn't even listen when I talk about things like that) he called me while I was working as a phlebotomist at a different hospital and said "I think Dinah and David died last night."  I swear to God that's what he said.  LAST NIGHT I found out he called me at work and told me in that manner because he didn't know I still cared for her.

On to Noah and his adorable cuteness.  Gib took the majority of these pictures because I'm not so great with moving things, even with the new lens.

First, Noah spends a lot of time on the sideline.  He's just so happy to be there that he doesn't care, so we don't care (it still ticks me off a little, but I let it go)

Ball hogs:  The coach doesn't even try to get these guys to pass anymore and of course one of the ball hogs is his son.  I'm starting to think I may have been a better coach last year.  In a situation like this, my son never touches the ball.

Noah's team:  The coach was my assistant last year so I pulled all the ball hogs out at the same time.  He doesn't do this.  He is, however the principle of Kelsie's school, and other than the obvious favoritism I like him a lot, so I keep my mouth shut.

And now for some of Noah's shining moments.  I'm a little disturbed because when I took the red eye out his eyes are brown when in reality they're green.  I still love these pics though:

See he's a getter like Kelsie. He gets to the ball, metabolic and immune diseases not withstanding. I love this boy's incredible ability to make friends and be diplomatic.  We've hopeful the vision therapy will help with both basketball and baseball.  We (and his therapists) really think it will.

I love my little guy!