Simply Not Simple

I really should stop pissing off the "dealers"

Seriously.  I am still the naive person I have always been when it comes to drugs.  Don't use 'em, don't need 'em, don't like 'em, don't know anything about them.  So, when I went outside at 1AM to take my dogs out front so they can get some non-fenced-in time, I thought nothing about the car that pulled up to the known (and busted, but also obviously still around) Coke sellers (thought better of letting the real terminology be searchable) 2 houses down from me.  They flashed their lights, I assumed it was a friend of theirs and I thought they had gotten out of the car.  The dogs continued to run around in the cul-de-sac and I just enjoyed the outside alone time.  Fifteen minutes later the horn blares.  Scared the ever-loving shit out of me!  The people had never left the car, presumably because my 2 German Shepherds were out front and unleashed.  At this point (why, yes, I am a genius) I jumped up, put the dogs away and then locked every door and window in the house.

I'm kinda mad that I do not have the freedom to be in my own front yard with my dogs in the middle of the night, but also a little afraid because I have had more than a couple confrontations with them over other issues and I'm not exactly on their "good" radar.  That kinda begs the question, do you want to be in good with Coke sellers?  I think probably not.  I believe me and my big mouth (and bigger dogs) will lay low for awhile.  I now need to convince my dogs not to eat their Pug, I don't think that will help my situation any.

Wow, I've been at this blogging thing a long time

Maybe now that facebook is a terminatable (Word?  Probably not) work passtime, I can get back to more regular blogging.  Blogging isn't a social network, right? It most definitely was not named in the new "decree".  Oh well, since I've..........................................................................

DECIDED I CAN'T LIVE MY LIFE WITHOUT BECOMING A PHYSICIAN, and found out from my physician boss that the campus I work at that currently houses only 3rd and 4th year med students will be starting a 1st and 2nd year program here- I'm going to do it! 

This means I will bust my butt as the internal med research assistant and get every faculty member in the department on my side and in 2 years my lifelong dream will finally be realized.  I, personally, am thrilled!

Now I need to go to bed though, Miranda has been home sick twice this week and I hope I'll be able to work tomorrow.

Well we're back

And I'm definitely feeling much better about everything.  Gib's grandma is doing well, for now.  She has already told everyone she is going to die when grandpa died- on Nov 22.  I don't doubt for a second that she'll hang on until November, she is one determined woman.

Not much I can do but be thankful she's still doing as well as she is considering the metastases.

Breast cancer fucking sucks!!!!

Here we are in KC for a family get-together in the saddest of circumstances.  Gib's grandma is dying and we are here because she requested to see her whole family one last time.  It's such a sad and almost surreal occassion and my emotions are at an all time out-of-control high.  Knowing this is the last time we will see her alive, while she is still the same grandma she's been for the 20 years I've known her.

Knowing this damn cancer is so aggressive that no treatment will help, knowing that with my mother, my mother-in-law and my grandmother-in-law have all had breast cancer, knowing that inadvertently I almost positively have passed that gene on to my own daughters, knowing I, myself, am due for my yearly mammogram.  Knowing, knowing, knowing...... It's all too much.  Oh, it's too much for my heart and soul.  How do you look at someone knowing that the next time you see that loved one will be at their funeral; breaking your heart, crushing your soul and knowing that you are there to LOVE her, just love her as you always have?  How do I deal with my youngest son, who has never been the clingy type, being unable to not be physically attached to me and knowing why?  HOW DO I DEAL?

GOD, BREAST CANCER FUCKING SUCKS.  FUCKING. SUCKS.

I find it quite amusing that no one guessed what the picture was

because everyone who commented are my faithful, wonderful,beautiful followers who knew I had surgery on my back this summer.  That is my back.  There is an approx 3-3.5 inch incision, but because I had so much swelling post-surgery my back looked like an ass for a long time.  Gib and his cousin designated me assback.  I should get a new pic because it looks much, much better now.

Sorry it was so gross, it didn't look so bad until I put it up there.

Jenn

Well hell,

I knew my blood pressure was low this morning, but I also knew I had a 10:15 meeting with my new boss so I drove in to work.  We were going to OKC for an IRB meeting and I didn't want to miss it.  My BP was 80/40 and I passed out for brief moments on the drive in.  In the parking garage I momentarily blacked out and hit the gate.  I didn't even THINK to look at my car.  I scared the crap out of my officemate when I walked into our office and she took me to the cafeteria in hopes to get my BP back closer to normal.  It went up high enough that the rest of my day went okay.   Until we returned from OKC........

I never even THOUGHT to check my car for damage until we returned from the meeting.  I had dented the front of the hood pretty bad and my hood is now slightly off alignment.  I called Gib to tell him I had wrecked this morning and got yelled at for over 30 minutes about "how you could have died and left my kids motherless, etc, etc"  He's right.  Thank GOD I hit a parking garage gate and not another car as I sped down the highway.  I thought he was over reacting (he's not), and I just remembered that his much beloved grandma is without a doubt going to die soon and he is having to deal with that.  The thought of losing me too sent him over the edge.  My poor, poor husband.  I need to get my BP under control.  Last week it was 200/140- my doc is now concerned about my kidneys.  They have to figure this out for me, Gib and my kids.

My job is WITH physicians now- and no one can treat me.